Broken
by Tsukiyumie
Summary: Nowaki and Hiroki's relationship takes a downfall. When Hiroki decides to end it all, how will Nowaki react? What will happen when Hiroki comes face to face with an old acquaintance who just happens to invite Hiroki to stay over? Rated T.
1. Chapter 1

**_You wouldn't believe how hard it was to write this, I thought I was seriously gonna kill my hand. I hate making conflict between these two... but I couldn't help it._**

**_I love this pairing to death, Nowaki is such an adorable person! Love Hiroki too! _**

**_Enjoy!_**

**_-Akira_**

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****"Hiro-san… I love you." Nowaki whispered softly, slowly caressing his way along Hiroki's neckline, "So, so much…"

"Nnh, yeah." Came the muffled reply.

They lay together for some time, somewhat happy to be in each others company. Hiroki tried to lean closer to Nowaki, wanting the once familiar warmth, but found himself distancing from the younger. It became a rare occasion for the couple to be intimate. Neither found themselves in the mood to do anything further than cuddling. Their lives were different and that included their schedules. Their differences were beginning to show, much more than before. There was still love between the two though it slowly faded away as each day passed.

Nowaki rarely showed himself in their home. He even went as far as to rent an apartment closer to the hospital. The times he did go home were on his days off.

Hiroki kept himself busy with his own job, hardly leaving the college. There were times he'd find himself still sitting in his chair way after midnight.

Now that they were together, it was almost painful. There was hesitation in Nowaki's movements and Hiroki had a hard time finding the old childish ways of the boy. His eyes were cold and appeared to no longer shine like they once did.

Hiroki turned to face him, reaching out for Nowaki's cheek when he did.

"I-" he was cut off, Nowaki pulled until their lips met.

It was uncomfortable. Neither enjoyed it. They tried to continue, failing in the end.

"Hiro-san…" he whispered in a strained voice, placing his hands on either side of his lover's face, "I love you."

"Yeah." Hiroki choked out, trying to hold back his tears.

"What are you doing tomorrow Hiro-san?" the younger asked, leaning in to brush his lips against Hiroki's ear.

"My day off." He answered, closing his eyes at the touch, "You?"

"I have to work but I might come home early."

"Is that so? I… that's new." Was all Hiroki could say.

"Mmm, but I can't promise anything."

Nowaki yawned, he stood up and was about to leave for his own room when Hiroki grabbed his wrist.

"Where are you going?"

"My own room Hiro-san." Nowaki replied with a sigh.

"Why?" the elder blurted out, "You usually sleep here."

"I'm not in the mood tonight."

Hiroki flinched, taking a second to process things. He knew their relationship was borderline… but until that point, never had Nowaki refused to sleep with him.

"I-I see." He finally said, trying to not sound upset.

"Goodnight." Nowaki exited the room quickly.

The next morning, they found themselves awkwardly sitting at the breakfast table. Instead of one meal being cooked, each made their own food to suit their own tastes. Nowaki was eating slowly, only then did Hiroki notice how thin and pale the man was. It was almost a sickly pale color. His weight loss was noticeable, more so than his color.

"Are you sure you should go to work today?" Hiroki finally asked once he could no longer stand the silence.

Nowaki ignored him while he chewed, not even looking at Hiroki, "What do you mean?" he asked after a few seconds.

"I dunno… you seem pale… are you eating properly when you're alone?"

"I'm fine. You really don't have to worry about me." Nowaki placed his dishes in the sink, "I'll be seeing you then."

Within the span of five minutes, Nowaki changed and left the apartment. Hiroki found himself staring at the blank TV screen, wondering when the blasted machine had last been on.

_Oh… it was when we still spent time together… I think we were watching a movie or something, that brat clung to me the whole time. He wouldn't dare let go, begging me to stay on the couch with him all night long._

A tear escaped, falling on to his hand. Hiroki cupped his hand over his mouth, trying to silence the sobs. The last thing he needed were the neighbours to complain.

On the other side of the front door stood Nowaki, wide-eyed as he listened to the crying sounds of Hiroki. He realized the situation with their relationship a while ago, not wanting to admit it. He loved Hiroki more than anything… right?

_How, how did things end up this way? Isn't this what happens to couples when they're no longer interested? Is it because we've been together for too long? _

His own tears fell, causing him to gasp.

_Hiro-san… Hiro-san… what happened to us? Why did we change so much? Where did we go wrong?_

He turned and left, not caring about the people who saw his tears. The day needed to end quickly.

When Hiroki recovered, it was well in to the afternoon. He was on the floor, his arms wrapped around himself. The exact time of day was still a mystery, but the fact that the sun was setting meant it was late.

_Damn… what a waste of a day… DAMN, DAMN! I look like some depressed teenager feeling sorry for himself! Urgghh!_

Hiroki sat up when the door handle clicked, tilting his head he turned to look.

Professor Miyagi welcomed himself in, grinning as he sat down on the couch.

"Nice place." He whistled.

"When and how did you get a key to my apartment?" Hiroki asked angrily.

"You left it on your desk, I thought I'd give it back." Miyagi explained, "Besides I've never seen you place before! It's surprisingly neat, do you clean or does that Nowaki guy clean for the both of you?"

At the mention of the younger, Hiroki's gaze met the ground, "We both did…I'm not really sure which one of us does it now." He replied in a very low whisper.

"So you guys are going down a rough road?"

Surprised by the question, Hiroki looked up, "What?"

"You've been out of it for the past two months Hiroki." The professor spoke seriously, "Your attention in elsewhere, and frankly it bothers me. The students notice it but not as much as I do. You're putting yourself in a very vulnerable position, I hope you realize. Your job is at risk as well!" the other didn't reply, "Look," he continued with a sigh, "I know it's hard."

Miyagi took Hiroki by the shoulders, "It's time to end it, officially."

"W-What?"

"You know it's the right thing to do. You make each other suffer the more this lasts."

"How would you know?" Hiroki mumbled and struggled to free himself.

"I had to do the same."

Hiroki remembered the young boy that had been with the professor, the childish and clingy ways reminding him of Nowaki in a sense. The relationship had been a "phase", as Miyagi called it, knowing that the boy would one day want something more out of a relationship.

"You…?"

"Yeah, I ended it with Shinobu. We were just like the two of you, though I ended it much faster. You're letting it drag on and it'll make it much harder."

"I…"

"What do you want Hiroki? I hate to see you suffer." Miyagi sat on the couch beside Hiroki.

_What do I want? Our pathetic excuse of a relationship is only going downhill… wouldn't it be better to break it? Heh… reminds me of the many times I ended it, only to get chased down by him. What'll I do once it's over? _

"I refuse!" a voice cried from the doorway leading into the room.

"Oh look, he's back!" Miyagi exclaimed with a smile, "Nice to see you again."

"Get the hell out of here!" Nowaki screamed, ready to pull the man out of the apartment.

Hiroki saw the anger and frustration in the younger's eyes, now he could tell that Nowaki had realized their sad reality. There really wasn't any time left. It was only a matter of days before something worse would happen.

Nowaki was losing his strength, Hiroki could see that the young doctor was beginning to weaken. Sick and thin, two things that were never a good mix. Ironic. He was supposed to set an example of healthy-living to his patients.

"No need to be mean, I'll be leaving. I only came to return the key."

Nowaki glared at the man, following him with his eyes as Miyagi wandered to where Hiroki sat.

"Think about it…" he whispered softly before leaving the room.

"Yeah…"

Nowaki watched the door close, standing up alone for quite some time after that. Hiroki didn't bother getting the younger to sit with him, Nowaki moved himself.

He pinned Hiroki down roughly, his lips parted slightly as he tried to remove his lover's shirt. When it finally came off, he kissed the heaving chest beneath him. His mouth traveled all over the body, needing it more than ever. His nails dug in at where Hiroki's ribcage was, drawing out blood and a pained groan. Ignoring the pleas below, he scratched and kissed. He forcefully made their lips meet, biting Hiroki's lower lip when he struggled to move away. They remained with their lips crushed together, Nowaki tore open a gash on the other's body. Hiroki cringed and tried to pull away again, only to have his lips taken again. Nowaki entered Hiroki's mouth, tasting blood.

_You won't end it with me, you never will! I won't allow it!_

"Nowaki, Nowaki!" Hiroki cried desperately once they parted, "Please Nowaki! Listen to me!"

The younger took it as a sign to continue, not giving an extra thought about Hiroki's wellbeing. He wanted to tear his lover's body apart, to make him stay.

…He took Hiroki without a thought, no hesitation. There hadn't been a single hint of love.

Nowaki could see what he had done, the horrible and disgusting person he had become. The one person he had loved was now a miserable and confused man, with marks of abuse all over his body. Several wounds could be found, though none of them serious enough to call an ambulance. He wanted to take everything he had done back from the weak body before him. To give him back his happiness…

"Hiro-san…"

"It's over Nowaki."

"No, please Hiro-san!" he reached for the other, only to be rejected.

"It's gone too far. I don't hold anything against you Nowaki, you were desperate. It's time to call it quits for good." Hiroki got dressed, "I'm leaving."

"NO, Hiro-san!"

"Just shut the fuck up!" Hiroki screamed at the boy, "It's over, done! We can't turn back! I have no idea what happened. We've probably been together for too long. We've overused each other."

"We can fix this!" Nowaki was on his knees, trying to find something to say.

"We can't, you know it."

The world they had shared for so long came spiralling down. It created a long resonating crash between them, enough to separate them for good. They would never again be the happy couple they had been, there would never be cute cuddly moments together. It was finished.

Nowaki stared down, as if thinking the floor would give him support, "We have to."

"No, it's better this way Nowaki."

"Why? Who said it was better?"

"Stop being so fucking retarded, you see it just as well as I do." Hiroki grabbed a bag from the corner of the room, the bag he had packed some time ago.

"No- you can't, you won't Hiro-san." Nowaki was pleading.

"I can and I will." With that being said, he made for the door and stepped out.

Nowaki slumped forward, trying to sort out the situation. He knew it would happen eventually but this was different. He knew he was a selfish person for thinking it could still go on. Pretending it would never happen wasn't a solution. The feeling had been gnawing at him for a long time and he did it on purpose to work long hours at the hospital. It was just so he didn't see Hiroki's hurt face.

"Hiro-san… please don't leave… please stay here…" Nowaki curled into a ball and squeezed his eyes shut.

Hiroki realized he had forgotten his wallet in the apartment. Cursing to himself, he angrily made his way around crowds.

_I'll just wait a while and get it once everything's calmed down a little. I still have a key, so I could go get it tomorrow when he goes to work or something… No, maybe I should just leave it there… urgghhh, what the hell, how did I forget my damn wallet?_

"Hiroki?" a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"What?" he turned to a familiar face, "Shinoda-san?"

"So it really was you!" Shinoda smiled and walked closer.

"Sorry, you caught be off-guard." Hiroki sighed.

"What's wrong?" for once, the man sounded concerned.

"Bad day… you know…" Hiroki felt his throat tightening, he wanted to cry so badly.

"Papa!" a young voice called nearby.

Hiroki found the voice belonged to a young girl, he had seen her before with Shinoda. It had been the first time Hiroki had seen the man smile from his heart.

"Papa's here Emiko, don't worry!" he pulled the girl into an embrace and lifted her up on his shoulders, "He's just talking with a very good friend."

_Friend? Huh… never thought he'd call me that… oh well…_

Hiroki choked as he swallowed, still trying to fight the tears. The battle was hard and he let one tear escape, surprising Shinoda.

"What's wrong?" he asked and leaned in closer to Hiroki, Shinoda cupped the man's cheek.

"N-Nothing's wrong." The other protested.

"Is it still Akihiko? That jerk is one hard-headed man if he doesn't realize something soon. I'll go tell him myself if I have to…"

"No! It isn't him."

"It isn't?" Shinoda appeared shocked, "You loved him so much…"

"Is this really something we should be talking about with your daughter?" Hiroki asked suddenly.

Shinoda pointed to the said girl, who was fast asleep on his shoulders, "She's ok." Hiroki couldn't help but smile, "So you got over Aki…"

"Took a while…"

"Sure did." Shinoda saw the glassy eyes of the other, seeing how upset he was, "Why don't you stay over tonight?"

"What about your wife?" Hiroki asked, "I couldn't."

"Don't worry about it, really." Shinoda assured him, "It's just me and Emi."

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_** Here's where it begins! dum dum duuuuummmm**_

_**Anyone else feel sad about the way I left Nowa-chan? I am. **_

_**For those who may not know, Shinoda shows up in the manga!**_

_**Comment please!**_

_**Akira**_


	2. Encounter

**_A/N: Heya guys, the drama continues... _**

**_So sorry there was no update, being stuck in a cottage with no internet for Christmas break proved to be useful and not so useful. Writing went well and chapter 3 is going to be coming sooner than planned. _**

**_Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters._**

**_So Nowaki and Hiroki are having a bit of a rough time, (a little more than a bit) and Shinoda comes in to the picture. Dum dum duuuum... _**

**_Don't get us wrong guys, we ADORE this pairing and it breaks our hearts to see them in a conflict but... it makes for an interesting plot. Like in the anime when Nowaki leaves. _**

**_Anyways we're blabbering here, so enjoy and don't forget to reviews!

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Nowaki continued working for a few months. At some point, he no longer had the interest of showing up at work. He no longer went back to the apartment he shared with Hiroki either, the feeling of having no one there was painful. A part of him still believed Hiroki was there though he knew that it was an impossibility. Somehow the rent was still being paid by someone and Nowaki was left to pay his own apartment. A note or two were left each month from someone by the name of "Shinoda" and news concerning Hiroki. Nowaki eagerly awaited their arrival but once they stopped, he stopped clinging to the dream. Hiroki would never come back.

There were times when he'd walk down the street and think he'd seen Hiroki, only to discover otherwise. He desperately wanted to talk to him, to find out who Shinoda was.

_Is it his new lover? No… it couldn't be… he loved Akihiko. Where would he have met this Shinoda? Does he stay with Professor Miyagi?_

"Nowaki?" a hand grabbed his shoulder.

He turned his head slightly, hoping it to be Hiroki, "Ah, Tsumori-senpai."

"You sound disappointed." The man sighed.

"N-no, just…" Nowaki averted his gaze.

"How're you feeling lately?" Tsumori pulled the younger towards a bench where they could sit.

"I'm not going back. Don't even bother trying." Nowaki said clearly, no hint of emotion in his voice.

"Now, now… I didn't say anything about going back did I? Look, take your time getting back on-track. The hospital hasn't had anyone like you in a while, you're diligent and the children love you. They thought you really needed time off, even though you just stopped showing up… well, that doesn't matter. You won't really be paid for the whole time off." Tsumori explained while leaning into the back of the bench.

"That's fine." Nowaki replied.

"Yeah, I thought you'd say that."

Nowaki remained silent for some time. The sounds of talking people slowly rained out the rest of Tsumori's explanation. All sorts of noises filled the city and Nowaki wondered if somewhere, Hiroki was talking.

Hiroki had been the one thing, the one person, he had wanted the most. Nowaki never found himself interested in any particular gifts people gave him. His "parents" at the orphanage had given him presents during special occasions, he appreciated the thought and kindness they gave him. He never truly asked for them, but kept them as a reminder of his family at the orphanage. Nowaki never desired to meet his birthparents, to have his real mother or father. Hiroki had been the only, the only, person he had ever wanted more than anything.

The mere thought of losing him was unbearable. He simply wanted Hiroki back.

Nowaki leaned down and placed his face on his hands, "Hiro-san…"

"Just forget him Nowaki."

He stared up, shocked, "What?"

"I'm sure he's doing the same. It's doing a favour for the both of you." Tsumori patted Nowaki, "Hey, you guys may even be friends eventually."

"I know we can fix it."

"Give up, stop being a kid. It's time you faced reality." There was anger in Tsumori's voice, Nowaki noticed.

Hiroki yawned and stared out the window. Three months had passed by since he left Nowaki, the longest time he had gone without seeing the boy. It was wrong to say he didn't miss Nowaki, there wasn't a time in the day where Hiroki didn't think of the younger. Of course he didn't let it show in his work but deep within himself, he was concerned about Nowaki. He often saw him on the street, looking. Of course they hadn't really seen each other officially. Shinoda often walked with Hiroki, just to keep him company.

Hiroki had been surprised to find out that Shinoda was a single parent.

_Astonished, Hiroki asked "You don't have a wife?"_

"_No, she just left one day. I haven't heard from her since then." Shinoda replied with a faint smile._

"_I'm sorry." _

"_Don't worry about it! It's not that big a deal anymore, we hardly notice it."_

"_Are you sure you don't mind me staying for a bit? I can leave if you want me to, just say it." Hiroki stammered._

_Shinoda laughed, "It's fine. Don't think you're causing any trouble. It's nice to have someone using that extra room."_

"Hiroki, could you get this book for me?" Professor Miyagi begged from his desk, half asleep while smoking.

"Go get it yourself." He grumbled in response.

"Stop being mean!" the elder whined, "You've got more energy than me!"

"Fine, fine." Hiroki gave in.

"Seriously?" Miyagi fell off his chair, staring at Hiroki in disbelief.

"Just give me the title." He held his hand out while pulling on his coat.

"You're a lifesaver." Miyagi handed him a ripped and crumpled paper, grinning, "Hurry back now!"

_When did I become his slave? Urgh, never mind. It'll keep me busy for a little while. I could probably pick dinner up at the same time… what should I make? Even though he tells me not to… I won't just laze around at his place. I refuse to let myself get comfortable around that guy. Besides, it's only for a little while. _

After much time and effort, he finally found the stupid book. It just happened to be in a bookstore where Nowaki and he had spent much time. It was a rundown place and was on the verge of closing, but Hiroki knew he'd find what he was looking for. Hiroki had been looking for a certain novel that was out of print, Nowaki had found it in a hidden shelf.

"_Look Hiro-san!" delighted, Nowaki ran towards him._

"_You found it!" Hiroki exclaimed with a smile. _

"_It's a little old and dusty… but I'm sure it's ok." _

"_Speak for yourself," Nowaki tilted his head, confused, "you've got plenty of dust on you!"_

_Hiroki attempted to brush off the dust, only to sneeze uncontrollably while doing so. He hadn't realized that they were in such a small enclosed space, the air hardly circulated. As he coughed an sneezed, Nowaki placed his hands on either side of Hiroki's face. _

"_I-idiot! Do you know where we are?" Hiroki blushed when Nowaki only leaned closer._

"_Uh-huh, Hiro-san." His breath was close, Hiroki could feel the other's lips._

"_Not here!" he whispered in a low voice, "Nowaki, what if we get caug-"_

_Their lips met briefly, but it was a moment they enjoyed. Nowaki smiled before heading towards the register, leaving a blushing Hiroki to calm down._

"_I-I-idiot."_

"Oh Hiroki!"

He turned to find Shinoda just as he was exiting the bookstore.

"Didn't expect to find you here today!" Shinoda smiled, "Didn't you have work?"

"Yeah. I just needed to find this." Hiroki held up the paper bag with the book.

"Oh, I see." Shinoda nodded, "How about we get something to eat? It's just about noon and I'm starving."

Lunch, to Hiroki, was usually a quick and inexpensive meal. Being taken out to an expensive restaurant wasn't his idea of lunch. It didn't mean he didn't appreciate the thought but…

"Why did you take me _here_?" he asked.

"I said I was hungry, besides the food is great here."

"It looks weird, don't you think?"

"Stop worrying, you'll get wrinkles on your forehead." Shinoda laughed when Hiroki hid his forehead, "To any passerby, you and I are just friends having a nice lunch."

"Whatever. I'll eat and I'll leave."

"Still as serious as ever…" Shinoda sighed, "Let loose for once Hiro."

Hiroki flinched, "Uh… sure…"

Once they were finished, Shinoda stood up, "I'll drive you back."

"Thanks." Hiroki noted the time and couldn't refuse the offer.

Just as they were about to get into the car, Hiroki saw Nowaki. He sat with the Tsumori guy. He was still ghostly pale and thin. As Hiroki opened the door, Nowaki spotted him. He proceeded into the car and closed the door with great force, trying to forget the hurt expression on Nowaki's face. It was too soon to talk to him, to even see him. He wasn't angry with Nowaki about what he did…

"No need to break the car!" Shinoda said as he began to drive.

"Shut up!" Hiroki yelled in frustration.

…He was angry with himself.

Realizing his sudden outburst, Hiroki covered his mouth.

"No… that came out wrong…" he attempted to say as he stared out the window at Nowaki, who stood and tried to run after the moving car.

"It's that guy I saw you with once, the one you recently broke up with?" Shinoda asked when they got to the university, though he already knew the answer. He'd been contacting the man up until recently, "You aren't ready to see him are you?"

"Not really." Hiroki admitted with a shrug.

"As long as you're with me, you won't ever see him."

It had been painful to watch Nowaki disappear into the distance. As Shinoda's car drove further, Hiroki noticed he moved further and further away from the one person he had truly loved. Since Shinoda had entered his life once more, he was even more confused than before. It couldn't possibly be attraction, but perhaps admiration towards Shinoda? It had to be that way…

_Get a grip Hiroki… it's finished with Nowaki! _

Nowaki, stunned, made an attempt to say something. Tsumori had a hard time comprehending the less than audible sound.

"What's wrong Nowaki?" he asked.

"He was there a minute ago… with another man."

Tsumori stared in the direction Nowaki was, "Well he isn't there anymore."

"I have to go see him." Nowaki stood, awkwardly at first.

"Hell no," the other pushed him, "You're not going to go see that good-for-nothing asshole."

Nowaki pulled away and ran in the direction the car had gone, completely ignoring the calls from Tsumori. It must have appeared to look funny to some people, but he hardly cared. People stared as if he were a madman and called after him when he ran through a red light. None of it mattered! Finding Hiroki was his upmost priority. Nowaki needed to know if the man he had been with was his new lover or if he was someone unimportant. There was no way the elder would replace Nowaki with someone else. The only person that had ever been a potential rival was Akihiko, though it was only in gaining Hiroki's attention. Then it hit him, he had seen the man before. He had waved and smiled at him before turning away with his child.

Nowaki had dismissed the possibility that the man had been waving at him, but he knew now that it had been the case. Who was he to Hiroki? An old friend?

Nowaki felt blind for once, unable to understand anything that came his way.

"Hiro-san…"

_Hiroki mumbled to himself quietly as Nowaki stepped inside from work.__ It had been a few days since they had last been together, both were eager to be in each others company. _

"_Nowaki, have you seen my bag?" Hiroki asked while throwing papers and books all over the apartment._

"_It was in your room when I last saw it." Nowaki replied._

"_I've looked in there!" he screamed, "You didn't steal it did you?"_

_Nowaki was tempted to say yes, but thought otherwise, "No."_

"_Come here and help me then!" there was a shuffling sound before Nowaki heard a pile of books fall over and a cry._

"_Hiro-san!" he ran into the room, only to discover the elder covered by large textbooks._

"_To hell with all of this! Miyagi has to stop asking me to keep all these damn books!" Hiroki complained as Nowaki help him up, "We'll need a house if it keeps going."_

_Nowaki wrapped his arms around Hiroki and smiled, "That sounds nice."_

"_W-What? Are you mad? We couldn't possibly move in to a house together!" Hiroki stammered, blushing._

"_Mmm, I'm not mad Hiro-san…" Nowaki pulled him onto the bed, hugging Hiroki tightly._

_After a few minutes of silence, Hiroki began to worry and asked, "What's wrong?" _

"_I missed you Hiro-san…" Nowaki whispered back._

"_Come on, sit up." Hiroki mumbled, trying to get the other up._

"_No."_

"_I have a surprise for you." Hiroki said and the other slowly sat up to see._

_Hiroki leaned towards Nowaki and brushed his lips on Nowaki's, hesitant before deepening the kiss. _

"_I love you Nowaki, you stubborn brat." Hiroki smiled._

"_Why are you saying that now?" Nowaki frowned._

"_Because…"_

When he arrived at the university office Hiroki shared, he was left even more shocked and hurt than before. The door was only cracked open but Nowaki could see everything going on inside. He knew that he'd find Hiroki there… but he didn't know he'd find him with another man, kissing him.

Hiroki was initially hidden from Nowaki's view, but he knew it was him without looking. The blond man he had seen before was leaning and pushing Hiroki down with great force. There was no struggle from Hiroki until his shirt was being undone, which is when he pushed and cried out.

Nowaki hesitated, he could walk away or help. There were chances that he'd hurt the man hurting Hiroki… he didn't care all that much. Facing his old lover would be a challenge, after what Nowaki had done to Hiroki…

"Hiro-san!" he called and walked through the door, getting the attention of the imposter lover.

"Oh you must be…" the man began.

"Nowaki." Hiroki panted out, tears staining his face.

There was an awkward silence between the three men, frustrating Shinoda.

"Could you get out Nowaki-kun?" Shinoda asked and flashed a smile that no one could refuse.

"What?" Nowaki and Hiroki asked in unison.

"Hiroki and you are no longer together, you don't need to keep caring Nowaki-kun."

"I-"

"You're four years younger than Hiroki and I, you've barely spread your wings kid. Why don't you find some other man or woman to fool around with until you've gotten yourself some real experience." Shinoda sneered.

"Shut the hell up!" Nowaki screamed.

Hiroki knew that the age gap between them bothered the younger greatly, but he hadn't known it had bothered him that much. Nowaki was breathing deeply, as if to keep himself under control.

"Shut up." He repeated, "You don't know Hiro-san… how we were…"

"_I _don't know? Nowaki-kun, Hiroki and I used to be together quite often."

"Shinoda! Stop it!" Hiroki pushed until he stood in front of Nowaki, who's head was slumped forward, "Nowaki…"

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?" Hiroki asked.

"What he said."

"Of course it is Nowaki-kun." Mused Shinoda.

"I don't want to hear it from you!" Nowaki grabbed Hiroki.

"It was when I was in love with Akihiko… it wasn't something big Nowaki. I swear there was nothing ever special between us." Hiroki answered honestly.

"A substitute I suppose?" Nowaki said evenly.

"Nowaki…"

The other didn't reply, too hurt to even think rationally. Nowaki wanted to throw Hiroki aside and hit Shinoda until he died. Simply thinking that the two were once together… the fact that Shinoda had been with Hiroki before made Nowaki angry. It was a bad feeling no matter how he thought of it. He knew that Hiroki had been vulnerable at some point, up until the time Nowaki had met him…

"Nowaki it was before I even met you, before I knew you even existed." Hiroki leaned and placed his hands on Nowaki's raised fists, placing his head against the younger's, "Think badly of me if you want to, but you are really the only person I love…you were the first person that loved me back."

Nowaki's eyes widened, despite his anger not subsiding, "Then why? Why end it and go with him…?"

"If you think I'm 'with him' I'm not. I'm only borrowing a room at his place for now." He sighed, "And, it was over a long time ago Nowaki between us." Hiroki replied sadly.

"No it wasn't!" Nowaki cried desperately, "I know it wasn't over! Hiro-san please!"

"Exactly like a child." Shinoda chuckled, silencing Nowaki, "I'm wondering how Hiroki managed to survive."

Nowaki was beginning to see red, more than ever before. There had been a similar time when he had been in elementary school, the boy who had been fighting with him had just barely escaped with his life. His vision had completely blurred and he felt compelled to jump forward and beat the older man.

As he moved forward, a surge of fatigue overcame him. It hit him so hard, the world was spinning in circles. It was as if he himself was just turning and jumping. Nowaki grabbed the wall for support, leaning on it before falling.

He was only aware of the frantic calling, the one voice he knew the most. Nowaki smiled faintly before losing consciousness.

_Hiro-san…_


	3. All things come to an end

**_A/N: Hello everyone, I've been very slow with updates due to school... I'm very sorry about not updating when I promised a new chapter soon after the one before... *bows* _**

**_Anyhow, now I am updating on a regular basis with this story. Not to worry anyone, I promise Nowaki and Hiroki will have happy endings... Now read and enjoy! :3_**

* * *

When Nowaki next opened his eyes, he stared up at a white ceiling. It was a sickening white that was painted on the walls surrounding him. He then realized that he was in a hospital bed.

"Oh look, he's awake doctor!" a nurse exclaimed happily before running out of the room.

_How long have I been asleep?_

"I'm glad to see you awake young man." A doctor smiled brilliantly before settling himself into a chair next to Nowaki, "The man that brought you here was in a huge panic, I'm sure he'd be happy to know today that you're doing better."

"What do you mean?" Nowaki asked, noticing his voice was rather raspy.

"You were in a comatose state for quite some time." The doctor replied while checking over papers concerning Nowaki's health, "You were in extremely bad shape when you came here, thin, sick, and you were hardly rested. We've been trying to determine what exactly made you fall into a coma, sadly we don't have an answer yet."

"How long have I been asleep?" Nowaki asked worriedly.

"About two months." The doctor replied.

"Did the man who brought me here ever come back?"

"Once every day, but he hasn't come recently. We last saw him two weeks ago, he hasn't visited since then."

Nowaki's parents came to visit him every so often, just to check on him. They'd come to see him when he was able to walk around and socialize with the people at the hospital. Tsumori came as well telling Nowaki he'd have a lot of work to catch up on when he got better, smiling as he teased the younger. Hiroki never showed.

When it was time for Nowaki to be released from the hospital, a bouquet of flowers was sent from an unknown person. There had been no number or address left behind to contact the person.

Nowaki went back to the apartment that had once belonged to him and Hiroki, only to find all the books and belongings of Hiroki removed. The apartment was organized and cleaned, not at all the place that had once been cluttered with books.

As he made his way through the rooms, he found a small note.

_I'm glad you've finally woken up Nowaki. You sure took your time! Err, I shouldn't say that should I? Anyway… I'm glad. I sent you flowers as a start. _

_Don't worry about anything concerning Shinoda… we're finished. The day I drove you to the hospital was the day I left Shinoda's place. I kinda stayed here for a bit… sorry. I'm taking everything with me; I've finally found a place where I can be at peace. Don't worry, just focus on getting back on track with everything. Maybe one day we'll see each other on the street or something, get together or whatever… anyways, good luck. _

_Nowaki, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry._

_I love you, now and always… _

_Hiroki_

_P.s. Don't try looking for me, keep your head held high and walk forward. Don't take steps back you'll hurt yourself. _

Nowaki stood staring at the note, confused and angry at the words written. Did Hiroki think this piece of paper would make him feel better in any way? Of course the fact that Hiroki left Shinoda was good, but everything else tore an even deeper hole in his chest. He slammed his fist into the wall next to him and read over the note again and again.

_Please don't do this to me again…_

Nowaki turned towards the room and searched, for anything really. A small fragment left behind of Hiroki, just something. He ran his hands on the walls and over the left furniture. All of Nowaki's clothes were neatly folded in the drawers and closet. The closet.

Nowaki rushed to it and looked up, the box that had once held all of his letters from America were gone. He reached to feel the spot where it had sat, a paper was the only thing left. He took it and expected another letter, but it simply read:

_I'm taking these. _

Taking the advice from the letter, Nowaki kept walking forward. The hospital took him back in a heartbeat and he soon found himself even more successful than before. Working kept him busy enough to forget the loneliness of his old apartment, though eventually the apartment became lighter and the atmosphere was easier to handle. He redecorated it and changed all the furniture.

"You've really changed Nowaki." Tsumori remarked casually one day, taking a cup of coffee.

"Haha, you think? I think I'm the same…" Nowaki smiled at the elder.

"Huh…" Tsumori sighed, "Maybe it's just me."

"Probably."

Switching the subject, Tsumori asked, "Do you want to go out tonight?"

"Sure." The other answered with a faint smile.

"Great, we'll leave after your shift." Tsumori walked away.

As the two walked down the street later that evening, Tsumori was absolutely sure the sudden change of character was because of _him_. Nowaki had worked so hard to prove himself to _him _only to be thrown away like a rag in the end. On so many occasions, Tumori had tried to get together with Nowaki but _he_ had always been in the way. Of course Nowaki would never have been unfaithful to the other, it would have killed him.

As he stared out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nowaki's smiling face as he talked about the children who had tried climbing him earlier that day. If Tsumori hadn't already known everything about Nowaki's face and actions, he wouldn't know that the boy was still upset.

"I told them to wait their turns but they just refused! It was really funny senpai!" Nowaki laughed.

"Enough Nowaki."

The boy stopped, his eyes widening, "What?"

"Stop pretending that you aren't hurt, it's so damn annoying to have to watch you." Tsumori noticed they were in a very secluded area of town, there wasn't anyone in sight, "When can you finally let go of him?"

"What do you mean…?" Nowaki asked quietly.

"When can I…" he walked towards Nowaki, grazing the younger's cheek softly with the tips of his fingers, "When can I finally have you for myself?"

Just as Tsumori was about to lean in, Nowaki gently pushed him away, "I can't."

"Ah… of course. I'll never be Hiroki to you." He grabbed Nowaki's wrists and forced his lips to the younger's, deepening the kiss after mere seconds.

**_No, I can't do this to him… _**

**…_This can't be happening, it can't be happening to me…_**

**…_I can't do this to him._**

**…_I can't. _**

**…_No…_**

_**…NO!**_

Nowaki pushed even harder, but realized he was just swatting at the air. Again he found himself lying down in an unfamiliar room, one he couldn't recognize for the life of him. As he looked around and began to see whose room he was in, it dawned on him that the person lay next to him. Tsumori slept quietly with his arms extended as if they'd been previously wrapped around Nowaki. In horror, the younger crawled out of the bed and nervously walked around the room.

He'd done it; he'd done the unforgivable. How had it happened though?

Tsumori groaned before opening his eyes, focusing on Nowaki's guilty face.

"You a-and I…" Nowaki said less than audible.

"Yep, we did exactly what you're thinking." Tsumori sighed and rolled over to look at the time, "Though you only called out _his _name, never mine."

"I-"

"Nowaki, I'm willing to take my time with you. If you want to take this slowly, we can." The elder explained, "Look I know you feel bad, but take this chance. Stop chasing a shadow in circles because he's gone for good. He isn't coming back to find you or anyone."

Hiroki was restless as he sat in his new apartment, not bothering to unpack the books in the boxes in fear they'd fall on his if he stacked them. Amazingly he found a place near the ocean where he could calmly stay and think. Of course Nowaki was the only thing, or rather _person_, he could think about. His mind was clouded with thoughts of the boy, wondering if he was alright, what he was doing, what he was thinking…

_I feel like some romance novel character… losing love and trying to find it again…_

_Nowaki, I want you to find someone else… another person to make you happy. _

He rolled onto his side and stared at the one thing that had fallen out of the bag he'd carried. His favorite novel given to him by Nowaki, the one he brought almost everywhere but never told the younger because he felt embarrassed.

Without thinking, his hand reached for it.

"_Hiro-san, I know you didn't want to celebrate but…" Nowaki pulled a rectangular wrapped object from his bag, "Happy birthday."_

"_You… what on earth am I supposed to do now?" Hiroki asked turning a light shade of red. _

"_Accept my present and celebrate?" Nowaki suggested._

"…_Right…" Hiroki smiled and took the package, blushing. As he carefully undid the ribbon and ripped the paper, it took only a glimpse at a part of the cover to send him in Nowaki's arms, "How on earth did you find this?"_

_Returning the embrace, Nowaki smiled, "I searched the whole wide world."_

"_Haha," Hiroki leaned in closer, "I love you so much."_

"I…love…you…" Hiroki whispered strangely, distantly as if he was never going to say those words again.

As he stared at the book, his urge to see Nowaki only grew. He wanted to see him but Hiroki couldn't help but blame himself for everything he made the younger go through. All the suffering, his hospitalization… it was all Hiroki's fault no matter how he tried to look at him. Their lives suddenly took a step towards different paths, leaving them at the famous crossroad of decision-making. Nowaki tried to walk two paths while maintaining his love; while Hiroki tried walking down the regular path they had once followed. How had it happened? What made them break apart so badly? Hiroki only wanted to keep holding on to him, to keep him forever in his grasp and love him… but he felt so guilty, he would crush the being known as Nowaki.

His phone brought him back to reality, he answered as if nothing were happening, "Hello?"

"It's Akihiko." The voice came after a few seconds.

"Well 'hello' to you to…" Hiroki laughed, "What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to get together in a month. Since we haven't seen each other in a while and I'm basically scheduling this _and _making the gap of not seeing each other even longer."

"…You odd man." Hiroki smiled to himself, "Yeah a month from now is good. I don't have any plans for anything."

"Is everything else going alright?" the man asked on the other side of the line.

"I'm hanging on." Hiroki laughed bitterly.

"Shinoda's a dead man, just to let you know." Akihiko suddenly said before adding, in a quiet voice, "You can call me whenever you want."

"Thanks." Hiroki hung up.

He turned to his boxes, to his balcony and then back. He had to do something about getting settled in.

Nowaki refused the offer of his elder friend, explaining he wanted the time alone. He'd been in a relationship for so long he forgot so many things, though it may have just been previous habits he'd had. Tsumori was upset, admitting he didn't want to give up on Nowaki, to which he replied that he didn't.

"_So you're saying you'll start going out eventually?" Tsumori asked. _

"_I know I had time to myself before, but I really want to think things through this time. I'm just not ready to have a serious relationship, not just yet." Nowaki explained as best he could._

"_Alright then," Tsumori smiled, "I'm first on the list once you decide you're ready."_

Just like that he'd promised to go out with him. Even a month later from that day, Nowaki didn't feel ready. He knew he was carrying things on longer and longer the more he waited for a sign… of course, none came.

Moving a step forward wasn't easy to say the least; Nowaki hesitated just as he was starting forward. He wanted to wait for Hiroki, he wanted to find him… all of his thoughts were of him.

He slowly drifted off to sleep, needing a nap to clear his mind…

When he next opened his eyes, it was about two in the morning. His phone suddenly rang, indicating that he received a text message. He hadn't really talked to anyone that day so he decided to ignore it. After a minute it stared ringing. Nowaki sat up and answered.

"Hello?" he asked drowsily.

"Hello this is Akihiko."


	4. Sleeping On Your Shoulders

**A/N: Time sure flies! Exams are already here *Don't tell, I haven't really started studying...* **

**Anyhow, this is obviously a continuation of the previous chapter where Akihiko calls Nowaki up! Though with this chapter I'm not sure if anyone is still going to like me... I'm sorry in advance. I still promise a happy ending, really, really happy! Please keep reading :)**

* * *

"…Yes…" why on earth was the famous author calling him of all people? Nowaki's heart was racing, either because he was anxious or scared. There was absolutely no connection between himself and Akihiko aside from knowing Hiroki. A million reasons for the call raced through his mind as he listened to the static on the phone, or rather the soundless call and the author's breathing.

"Have you spoken to Hiroki at all?" the man finally asked, his deep voice somehow surprising the younger.

"We haven't." Nowaki replied.

"Ah I thought so." The man said simply, "I met with him earlier this week and thought I should call."

To say the least, Nowaki appreciated a call from _someone_ but Akihiko Usami was definitely the very last person he'd expected a call from. Hiroki was the second on the list of least to call. Still, hearing that the man saw Nowaki's previous love was unsettling. Had something happened between them and the man wanted to let Nowaki know? Personally he didn't need to hear something like that.

"That's very thoughtful of you…" Nowaki attempted to sound sincere but failed.

"I'm sorry, I seem to have given you the wrong impression… I'm merely passing on some news that I believe you should consider, as I have." Akihiko began, "I'm sure you've done something and regretted it so badly you wanted to take everything back and start over, right?"

Nowaki despite being confused answered, "Yes?"

"Hiroki is about to do something awful to himself. I tried talking him out of it the whole night because I _know _he'll live to regret it for the rest of his life." Nowaki wanted to get to the point, the author continued, "Earlier this year, his parents sent him marriage candidates. He's chosen one."

"…What? Is this some kind of sick joke? I'm sorry, but this isn't very…" Nowaki couldn't believe it.

Hiroki marrying someone? Nowaki's heart was racing faster and faster than before, he felt sick to his stomach.

Hiroki, sitting in a small café, read a thick leather-bound book. He was dressed casually but at the same time formal. He inwardly sighed when he was distracted by something passing; realizing that reading in public was harder than normal. Since taking a break from teaching, he found himself with a certain peace of mind. There was plenty of time to think about the details of his everyday life. He still kept in touch with the university to keep track of what was being taught in his absence.

"Hello." A voice spoke from behind him, he turned.

A young woman, long wavy black hair neatly flowing behind her, looked down at Hiroki with her brown almond shaped eyes. She offered him a small smile before sitting down in front of him.

"You must be Noriko." He said before closing his book and looking up at her.

"Yes, and you Hiroki." She laughed, "I'm glad to finally meet you in person."

"Same." He nodded, kept nodding until he realized he still was.

_I obviously can't do this… it's so damn clear that she'd have to be stupid not to notice. This is the worst…_

"Are you alright?" she asked, probably not to embarrass him.

"Yes I'm fine." He smiled, "I'm sorry, I suppose I just feel out of it. I took time off from work and I'm not used to it…"

"Ah having time to think to yourself? All of a sudden you're surrounded by noise and then, bam, there's absolutely no sound at all. Right?"

She spoke from experience she explained. She'd done the same a few years back when she was unable to fully concentrate on the many things going on in her life. Admitting at the same time she found it lonely but quite helpful.

"Anyhow…it's not about me this time," she laughed, "it's about us."

The word shocked him, _us, us… _

Hiroki looked around the room slowly, seeing nothing but couples cuddling or just talking. He never thought he'd actually go through with his parent's wishes and somehow regretted getting the girl before him involved in his own problems. She was nice and evidently very caring but… how could Hiroki put it? It just didn't feel the same way. Her eyes wandered his way for a second, Hiroki's meeting hers before she looked away suddenly.

_Am I crazy? Why do people even do stuff like this? Marrying someone without even knowing them or dating them… what would Nowaki think of this? Heh, he'll never know that's for sure. _

"Are you feeling alright?" Noriko asked with a tilt of her head, allowing for her black hair to fall over her shoulder, "We can come back."

"No, no…" Hiroki assured her, "I'm just a little distracted is all."

She tucked her hair back and smiled, "Well if you say so…" before leaning forward excitedly, "So any past girlfriends I should know about?"

"Err…" when had he actually had a long lasting relationship with a girl? Nowaki was by far the longest… "Why the sudden question?"

"Curiosity, after all… we hardly know each other. I thought this would be a good place to start." Again she flashed him a smile, "I've had plenty of relationships, though nothing even close to being serious. You?"

"I've had one serious," Hiroki leaned to the side, "we went out for seven years."

Noriko's eyes widened, "No way! That's like, almost being married!"

Somehow the picture of Nowaki and him married bothered Hiroki, but made him laugh inwardly.

"I suppose." He answered.

"Why… didn't you marry her?" Noriko asked grimly.

"S_he_… perhaps wasn't the right person." He replied, not meaning it at all. Surprising himself at how he really didn't mean it at all.

"Oh…" the female nodded, "That's too bad."

The evening continued on for quite some time, later than Hiroki originally thought. Noriko apparently had lots to say about her life and simply everything about her job and living style. She even went as far as the clothes she wore when not working. Hiroki listened the whole time but eventually couldn't help but zoning out and thinking of other things. It'd been around that time Noriko admitted with a small smile that she should have been going home. He offered to take her home but the girl politely refused and told him she'd be taking a cab on the next busy road. Feeling bad he waited until she grabbed a taxi.

Before getting in, she turned to him, "I had a really nice time tonight."

"Me too." He smiled before being surprised by a peck to his cheek.

She giggled at his expression before jumping into the taxi and driving off.

"What are you doing at my door?" Hiroki asked.

A familiar man looked at him from his leaning position on the wall next to Hiroki's door. It'd been a while since seeing the other.

"Huh Shinoda?"

Shinoda chuckled, "Oh nothing. Found out from a little birdie where you just so happened to live."

Hiroki sighed and breathed in sharply, walking to his door quickly. The very last person he needed to see was Shinoda or anyone for that matter. It was already enough he'd agreed to marry to please his parents. More distractions… he hardly needed that.

"_Please_ Hiroki," Shinoda leaned on the door then, "I came here to apologize. I was truly wrong taking advantage of you."

"Fine. Now get out of my way." He tried shoving the other away, only to be stopped.

"I thought I should tell you something." Hiroki waited for the other to continue, "Your old boyfriend is going out with someone now."

Nowaki going out with someone hardly concerned him… it was the boy's business to go out with whomever he wanted to. Hiroki had broken up with him.

"Great. Move."

"Ah, ah…" Shinoda placed a finger to Hiroki's lips, "but it hardly means I'm finished with you…"

"I am." Hiroki affirmed roughly, pushing everything of Shinoda away, "I'm getting married, so stay away."

"Married?" Shinoda scoffed, "That hardly stops me!"

"Get the hell away from me!" Hiroki shouted, "I'm tired of having to deal with all of these mixed feelings! Weren't you the one apologizing to me about all the things you did?"

Shinoda, suddenly changing from mocking to serious, nodded. He scratched his head and momentarily paused before standing up properly. He made a move to Hiroki before looking away and turning completely from the other man.

"I'll leave."

"Huh?" Hiroki said skeptically.

"You're right. I'm making the same mistake as then… except now I'm not taking pity on you." Shinoda explained, "Perhaps you'll understand my feelings later. As for the marriage, good luck with that. I hope you aren't using her as an escape route in attempt to forget everything you've done."

The moment Hiroki wanted to turn back to yell at the other, Shinoda was already long gone.

* * *

A few days later Nowaki stared up at the building before him, in his mind thanking Usami Akihiko for the address. Without the famous author he would have never found the place hidden by trees and other business buildings. He supposed it was like that saying if one needed to hide a tree it was better off in a forest… perhaps.

As he made his way to the door someone stopped him.

"Can I help you?" she asked, her black hair tied in a high bun.

Nowaki pointed to the door he stood in front of, "Do you live here?"

"No, I'm only visiting for today." She smiled sweetly, "My boyfriend is the one who lives here."

"Ah…" was all he could say before scratching the back of his head; "I-I must have the wrong place then…"

"Here come in, you can ask Hiroki- my boyfriend- about whoever you might be looking for." She pulled him in, Nowaki stammering as he walked in with her.

The girl with her arm linked with his, pulling him in… so it was Hiroki's fiancée. Nowaki stared at her cheerful face from the corner of his eye. She was familiar, probably because he'd seen her picture among all of the ones Hiroki had left lying around.

She pushed him further into the decent sized apartment, dropping the bag of groceries that Nowaki had failed to first notice in the kitchen.

"Noriko?" a voice inquired from another room, "Is someone with you?"

"Sorry I came a little earlier Hiroki." she began, "This man is looking for someone, so I thought you'd be better to talk to him."

There came a sigh in response, "I only just moved here…" before he came into sight.

As he walked in, Hiroki immediately saw the other. Noriko stood next to him with her arm still linked to his. Nowaki on the other hand, felt as if he'd made a mistake by showing up. Especially when the other's fiancée was present. How was he supposed to talk with him?

Suddenly Noriko noticed the exchange of odd glances and clapped her hands together, "So you were looking for Hiroki- weren't you?"

Hiroki sighed again and scratched his head, "We were… friends in college."

Nowaki smiled, "I heard the news from Usami-san. I thought I'd drop by since we haven't seen each other in a while."

"H-he told you? What an idiot." Hiroki frowned, "Well I'm glad to see you again."

"You sure don't look the part." Noriko grimaced and went towards the kitchen, "I'll make dinner for all of us… so you two go talk about everything!"

The two walked to the balcony, Hiroki quickly closing the door so Noriko wouldn't hear their conversation. For quite a while they stood leaning on the ramp and enjoyed the breeze, both liking the silence and calm atmosphere.

"When did he call you?" Hiroki asked suddenly.

"A few days ago," Nowaki replied, "he gave me the address as well but… well, I didn't expect to see…"

"Noriko." Hiroki breathed.

"Hiro-san," the other flinched at being called that name, "why are you doing this?"

"Moving forward." Came the cold reply, "I told you to do the same, so why aren't you?"

"I am!" the younger cried, "I'm doing everything I can."

"No, you're moving back. Coming to see me is proof of that."

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki wanted to hold the other, but refrained, "I still love you, so much but…"

"But what?" Hiroki laughed bitterly, "I told you didn't I? We're done."

"I'm sorry… I don't accept it." Nowaki whispered.

"Well you'll have to."

"I won't."

"Why the hell are you so stubborn about this? I'm so damn tired of seeing you and hearing whether you accept or not. We don't go out anymore." Hiroki kept his eye on Noriko in the kitchen, who appeared to be oblivious to their talk and waved every now and then. Hiroki knew they had to keep their voices down.

"Shut the hell up!" Nowaki shouted all of a sudden, making the other jump, "You know you can't stop thinking of me, like I can't stop thinking of you. The person who claims he loves me wants to become a replacement for you but how, how can he do so when I merely think of you?"

Nowaki had basically said something similar in the past, when he and Hiroki had first met. Back then he thought of his love for Akihiko and Nowaki wanted to replace it as much as possible. Now Nowaki was in a similar situation.

"Then why don't you start dating him or her?" Hiroki mumbled.

"I can't." replied the younger.

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"Nowaki, I'm getting married." Hiroki huffed.

"Which is why I'm here to stop you." He took a step closer to the other, making Hiroki panic.

"W-what are you doing you huge idiot?" he stammered.

"Could I stay here tonight?"

"Huh?" Hiroki appeared confused, "Of course you can't!"

"Why not Hiroki?" Noriko asked while opening the door, "I'm not staying over."

"You aren't?"

"No I just got asked out by a bunch of my friends from school I haven't seen in years. So why don't you spend the night with Nowaki-kun who came all the way here?"

"Uh… yeah, I suppose that's fine." No it wasn't fine but Hiroki couldn't possibly say that to Noriko.

"So what have you been doing lately Nowaki?" Hiroki asked later when the two were sitting on the couch.

"Working at the hospital, I don't spend much time at home." He spoke quietly but sadly. He never wanted to spend time at home, always afraid of the dark rooms and silence.

_He doesn't go home much even now huh? _"I see… that's good."

"How about you?"

"You know, thinking to myself and arranging this marriage." He laughed despite knowing he upset the other by the minute.

"Hiro-san…"

"Don't Nowaki." Hiroki said, "I know what you'll say and I…"

Instead of talking, Nowaki simply leaned over to rest his head on the other's shoulders. Hiroki's eyes widened quickly, his body tensing up but soon relaxing when the other remained the way he was. His head lay close to Hiroki's neck, his eyes gazing at the reflection of the two in the window. As the moment went on they both ended up leaning back into the couch and staying the way they were. Nothing happened but the two felt their hearts racing faster than ever before.

Slowly, the younger reached for the other's hand. Aware of the movement, Hiroki slapped the hand away and was about to tell the other off. As soon as he moved his head his mind and heart froze. Small tears escaped the other, staining his mostly hair hidden face.

Nowaki wasn't sure if it was sadness or frustration. Perhaps both mixed together. The whole idea of a marriage made him want to hit the other man senseless but he knew he could never do it. After all, Hiroki's happiness was what mattered the most… but didn't Nowaki deserve some kind of happiness as well? As the tears slid off his face, it was all he could think of. He merely wanted the other back in his arms, to belong to him, to stay with him… Nowaki didn't want to be alone.

"H-Hey," Hiroki placed a shaking hand on Nowaki's head, "you okay?"

"Just tired…" he breathed out in a low whisper.

Hiroki adjusted his head so it lay atop Nowaki's, "Don't work yourself so hard. I'm not going to be there every time to bring you to a hospital."

"Haha…" the younger laughed weakly, feeling tears forming once more at the corner of his eyes. Had he ever cried in front of the other in their long relationship? He couldn't recall feeling upset since he had been truly happy… "I suppose not."

Then he noticed something on Hiroki's skin, where his shirt was slightly lifted. Scars. If they were the ones Nowaki knew, they most likely ran over his ribs. Horrible memories of their last moment together flushed through his mind, making his finger run along the lines. Hiroki shuddered before moving away and walking towards the small kitchen.

"I'm sorry." Nowaki lowered his head.

Instead of blowing a fuse, to Nowaki's surprise, Hiroki simply smiled in response before disappearing from view temporarily. He returned a few minutes later with an old looking book held tightly in his hands.

Keeping his eyes on it, Nowaki asked, "What is it?"

"Something I meant to give you a while ago… though I honestly just finished it recently." The elder laughed, "Don't read it here. I'll kill you if you do… it's nothing really that special, just something I've been putting together for the past seven years."

It was handed over slowly, Nowaki feeling the book's full weight in his hands. As he stood up, Hiroki wrapped his arms around the other. There was a long moment of silence between them. Neither wanted to ruin the minutes that quickly passed them by, both feeling more content than they had in a long time. Soon enough, too fast to Nowaki, Hiroki pulled away and turned away from the other.

"I know you came to stop me." He said quietly, "Akihiko was against it just as much as you are now. I never thought I'd be doing this Nowaki, since I thought my love life was completely screwed up in the past, especially with you showing up and turning my life into a freakin' tornado. With this wedding, many things are going to change."

Nowaki suddenly felt afraid, "Hiro-san…"

Still turned away, Hiroki continued, "I was sort of happy that you came to find me today, because I actually wanted to see you before…"

"No…" Nowaki took a step forward.

"With this," Hiroki turned to look at the other in the eyes, "I'm finally saying goodbye. No more lingering feelings or regrets. This is the last time we'll ever see each other."

* * *

**A/N: Noriko is a character I made up in a few minutes, nothing really special there. She's like... the worst character I have ever thought up because I don't have much of a personality for her... *bows to character Noriko* I'm sorry but maybe one day I'll work on you further. **

**Shinoda is back to cause trouble and poor Nowaki gets a book and is told he'll never see Hiro-san again! **

**Anyone else watch Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi? I'm thinking up another drama for that series... including another FanFic for Misaki and Akihiko :3 **

**-Aki**


	5. Hello Goodbye

**_A/N: Hiya there! Erm... it's been quite some time huh? (Roughly three months) Been busy with all sorts of school related stuff and personal projects that Broken never got any attention ;_; _**

**_But Hurray I managed to make room and write! I personally want to finish this, which will be happening soon (YAY!) because I have more story ideas to work. _**

**_I realize that where I left off... made people angry with me. I understand, since it's probably the reaction I intended to get from readers in the first place. _****_Please don't be angry with me, I promise (really promise) that these two will be happy :) Cause I'd shoot myself personally if they didn't. _**

**_ANYHOW, enjoy! I do not own the characters!_**

* * *

Their lives had become so opposite and no longer parallel like they'd once been. Fate had intertwined their lives so closely together yet it tore them apart in the end. Upon hearing Hiroki say a final goodbye, Nowaki hadn't been able to understand.

"You can't be serious…" Nowaki said quietly, not being able to find any hint of a lie in the other's eyes, "Hiro-san…"

Despite the situation, Hiroki smiled, "Why don't I walk you down to the station?"

_How was he so calm? _Nowaki kept asking himself when they were on their way out the door. Minutes quickly passed by and soon they became mere seconds to the station. _How was it happening like this?_ Just months ago they'd been living together though not necessarily on good terms. Sharing an apartment, being _together _somehow… Nowaki placed a hand over his face to hide his expression. He knew whoever would have looked, would have seen something they wished they hadn't. It had been a very long time since he last felt frustrated with himself, beyond a normal level.

As they walked, Nowaki suddenly raised his head to the sky and stared. _He was hurting the whole time wasn't he?_

Hiroki noticed the younger looking up and couldn't help but do the same thing. _He was in so much pain…_

"Do you know what today is Hiro-san?" Nowaki asked, feeling his heart wrench. He felt anxious and eagerly waited for an answer from the other. He kept an eye on him as they walked, fidgeting with his hands.

"Nope." Hiroki answered coldly, "Just another day."

The answer made him stop breathing, making him tense and cover his face again. He was losing it so badly. It was the worse it had ever been in all the years. Control was definitely something he'd have to work on for the rest of his life. Taking the other and crushing him was something he could do so easily and it scared Nowaki.

"H-hey…" he called when the elder walked a little ahead, "Do you have plans to go back to the university anytime soon?"

"Hm…" Hiroki tilted his head, "I don't think so. I might even end up looking for a job here or something."

"Ah I see." Nowaki laughed nervously, "I suppose it makes sense."

Walking with him proved to be even more painful than being in a room alone with Hiroki. The reason to that was because when they were walking, there was a destination and therefore an end to their time together. Each second grew heavier on him as he spotted the station further ahead. Why was it so painful? Why was he the only one feeling the way he was?

Where had Nowaki gone wrong before hurting Hiroki? What had he done to upset the other? Was there a way to fix, to go back?

Hiroki stopped at the entrance and waited silently for the other to leave. After all, it was the very last time they'd be together the way they were. He watched as the other slowly walked away and disappeared in the busy crowd before turning away.

Thankfully the people surrounding the two had no idea as to why both men cried upon separating. They were too busy to even bother questioning; probably giving them room out of consideration. Neither wanted someone to stop and ask if they were all right. Obviously they weren't. Both of them loved each other so much, but it wouldn't be the same way between them again.

Nowaki, once sitting on the train, opened the book he'd been holding in his hands. It was so small in his hands and surprisingly heavy. As he turned the cover page, he paused at the very first page.

_I'm **not** writing some stupid diary or dedication to our love, so get that crap out of your head. I'm actually starting this to… vent out I guess. Okay fine, it's like a diary._

_I'll never forget our time together Nowaki… never. If I gave this to you for some odd reason we must've broken up. I can't imagine you ever letting me get away though –haha- you getting me caught up in such a freakin' storm. Know this… I can never forget the day we met. I definitely will NEVER forget the moment you took my keys and ran off with them! You know how much that pissed me off?_

_Keep reading this is only the cover page. I have a lot more to say… _

"Idiot…" Hiroki whispered when he was alone in the street, turning to look in the distance, "You think I'd forget the day we met?"

Neither had ever spotted the other even when they'd been an arm's length away, as if a wall separated them. Amazingly a whole year and a half passed them by like a breeze.

In that time Hiroki never married Noriko, instead he returned to his work at the university where he'd been surprisingly missed. She'd understood his feelings in the end, knowing that he'd rushed into it without much thought. Hiroki knew while going out with her that he just didn't have the heart to marry with another person on his mind. When back at the university Miyagi pushed a trunk load of books into his arms to find and bring home. He went back to his work almost immediately with a huge smile, happy to finally be back in a familiar environment.

"Where are you staying right now?" Miyagi asked curiously one early evening, as the two of them walked down the street. The professor had invited the other out for dinner.

"I moved back to the apartment building I used to live in actually." Hiroki laughed, "It's nice to be back there."

"Wait… isn't that where Nowaki-kun lives?" questioned Miyagi with a hint of surprise.

"I'm not on the same floor but I've spotted him around." Admitted Hiroki, "I don't think he knows –which isn't such a bad thing I suppose…"

"You make it sound as if you want him to know."

Hiroki frowned, "I don't really. I've seen him together with that Tsumori guy from his hospital so I'd rather not intrude."

"So he's going out with someone else huh…?" Miyagi tilted his head back in thought; "Poor kid took it badly at first didn't he?"

"I think we both did. There was probably a better way to handle it on my part though." Hiroki said as they were seated at their table, scanning the room full of people chatting away, "I think he finally understood."

With a nod, the professor motioned to the restaurant they stopped in front of, "Everything works out but all good things have to end badly."

The evening went on quickly, Hiroki hadn't felt as happy in such a long time. He could finally enjoy something and laugh normally, something he hadn't done in the past few months. Having company helped him, especially someone he knew he could be himself around. The professor had known Hiroki for a long time. It was understandable that he understood what went on in the other's head. Since returning to his ordinary life left him somewhat bored and lonesome, he often made projects to occupy himself to the point of exhaustion.

Hiroki smiled as Miyagi ordered another round of drinks, "Thanks for tonight."

The other leaned forward with a hand under his chin, "No problem. I haven't seen you in a while so I suppose it was for me to invite. Next time you're paying."

"Haha, guess so."

When it was way passed nightly hours and there were less and less people in the restaurant, Hiroki decided to take his leave. Luckily both hadn't exaggerated in their consumption to the point where they wouldn't have been able to walk to the door. Hiroki knew he would have done so and looked like a total fool. Walking in the city felt nice as a breeze shot by them both, Hiroki felt a chill down his back. Warily he wrapped the jacket he'd been carrying in his arms around him while walking down the street. At the corner he made sure Miyagi got in a taxi safely before making his way to the familiar apartment building not so far away. At first he'd expected some sort of change, but it remained the way it was. Same colours, same people, same everything since he left.

Waking up late the next morning was something he wanted to avoid as much as possible. Even if it was the weekend and he was supposed to sleep in and relax, he wanted to leave the building as much as possible. Hiroki knew he would eventually become a hermit if he stayed in his apartment, drowning in his miserable life and room full of books piled beyond the low ceilings. He set an alarm before settling down in bed, pulling the sheets and duvet up close to his face. They were cold and crinkly, soothing to his warm face. Slowly as the minutes passed, he drifted off to sleep.

"Damn…" he whispered irritably as he stared sideways, reading all the book titles on the shelf, "Nothing's making sense today."

He was feeling particularly stupid as he stared –glared- at the books before him. There had been one he wanted specifically due to the impossibility of finding it in any bookstore. For the life of him, he couldn't spot it. All the titles were stuck together in his mind. Suddenly a hand reached above him to pull out a book, the cover and title looking familiar right away. Hiroki followed the wrist pulling it away in amazement. As he turned, he almost wished he'd stayed put.

"Ah…" he looked away, _Nowaki… _"Excuse me."

The hand caught his almost immediately, "I… I saw you here and walked over…"

"Let go." Hiroki kept his eyes averted, "I'll be leaving now."

"Wait Hiro-san…" the blue eyes of the younger made the world spin, "It's been so long."

* * *

**_Next chapter should be up by the weekend, maybe a little later (Monday-ish, just cause I hate them and I plan on making the day happier for myself by updating). _**

**_Until then... _**


	6. Reunion

**_A/N: Hey everyone... I'm not going to make excuses, cause that's what I'd normally do but I'm not going to. I'll just say that I've had a very bad year so far and that's it. I realize it has been a while and I haven't said a word since, but here I am again. I didn't give up on this! _**

_**On a better note, I'm officially coming back to writing my fanfics. Broken is my main focus before anything. I think there's only going to be two or three more chapters to wrap it up. **_

_**Also, if anyone has anything in particular they want written (for other fanfics), I'd love to take requests. **_

* * *

"_What_?" Hiroki's voice was rough and cold; he realized he'd been rather harsh.

Quickly, he examined the younger. Nothing appeared to be different, but Hiroki could see the changes. After spending so much time together, it wasn't much of a surprise. It was evident, by the loose hanging shirt; he'd lost much weight. Even his pants seemed to be a little big on him. His once strong looking shoulders were slightly slumped, making him look as if he were permanently slouching forward. The changes were nothing to someone passing by. Merely discrete details that people easily overlooked and ignored. But they were a whole other story for Hiroki.

"Well?" he said after a few seconds, softer this time. There was no point in being rude or cruel. Meeting the younger, there must've been a meaning.

Nowaki smiled, "It's been so long…"

Hiroki looked away, "About a year, right?"

"Yes…"

Both remained quiet, but quickly glanced at one another when they thought one wasn't looking. No words could come out of the other; simply being in each other's presence was some kind of relief. Or reassurance that someday, somehow, things once _broken_ would mend. Nothing could be done in one big jump, so time was necessary. And they had all the time they needed.

"Want to go grab a coffee or something?" suggested Hiroki, scratching the back of his head, "We could… you know, catch up and whatever…"

Nowaki nodded happily, "Sounds good."

"You _aren't_ married?" Nowaki questioned with wide eyes.

"I told my parents that I hadn't ever been really involved in the relationship. Noriko was a great person to have as a friend, but not as _my wife_. She deserves someone much better than me. Besides, she had a hunch I wasn't going to go through with it. When we split up, she said she'd seen it coming…"

"I'm sorry…"

Hiroki laughed, "Why are _you_ apologizing? Shouldn't _I_ be the one?"

"Huh?"

In all truth, Hiroki really was the one to be apologizing. He'd ended their relationship in the beginning, and from there everything went spiraling down into a fiery pit of more break ups and fights. Nothing good had come of it all, aside from the obvious life lessons.

"Did you actually read that book I gave you?"

Nowaki's lips curved upwards, "Every word."

Hiroki leaned forward, his face turning red "I-I see."

"So, Hiro-san…" the other placed a hand under his chin, propping his head up, "What have you been doing since that time?"

He described everything in enough detail for the younger, telling him about his return to work and so on. He avoided the subject of where his current residence was, but admitted it was messy from all the books stacked in endless piles.

"They will fall on you some day." Warned Nowaki, "One of these days."

"I'll be prepared." Answered Hiroki with a proud grin.

Their time together almost seemed like before, when they'd been a couple. It was like all the bad memories suddenly vanished into thin air. Neither thought about the previous year's incidents as they sat facing each other. It wasn't important.

"What will you be doing tomorrow?" Nowaki asked when they'd finished their coffee, eyeing the other.

"I'm meeting with Miyagi." Hiroki sighed, "We have to go through some sort of list of his."

"Ah…" the blue-eyed man nodded, "I understand."

"I'd invite you for dinner, but I think it's a bit of a rush…" Hiroki smiled, "I think it'd be too much all at once."

Nowaki remained silent. The elder took the opportunity to observe the other again. His face was thinner. His colour was off. Everything screamed that something was wrong. Hiroki was no doctor, but he could easily see it.

"Are you alright?" he asked in genuinely concerned.

Nowaki gave him a questioning look, "What do you mean?"

"Do you eat proper meals? Do you sleep enough?"

The younger laughed bitterly, "Hiro-san … you…"

"Don't get any wrong idea. I'm just… I don't want a repeat of what happened before." He looked away, "Seeing you in a hospital bed and everything…"

When he turned to look, their eyes met. Nowaki placed a hand on the table sideways, waiting for Hiroki's. The elder complied with the gesture. Their hands were a mix of cold and warm, both finding it a soothing feeling. Simply holding hands again brought some kind of peace of mind.

Nowaki gave the other a reassuring smile, "I'm really fine."

"You know… you know you can always call me if you're ever in trouble. Or even for something you might need…"

"Hiro-san…"

As the afternoon sun sunk lower and lower, the evening slowly peeked into the sky. The two had spoken about the many or few things that had happened that year, ordering coffee or tea continuously. Neither wanted to leave and return to their ordinary routines. It was as if life was perfect as they sat together, time completely freezing them in the moment.

Still, they found themselves walking side by side to the apartment building. Every few seconds, Nowaki's fingers grazed Hiroki's. The professor held back the urge to take the other's hand in his. He closed his eyes tightly. If he did something drastic now, it would be too rushed. It would look… desperate.

"I feel bad if you're going out of your way to walk me home Hiro-san…" Nowaki stopped walking, making the other turn.

"It's no big deal." Answered he, "I live close anyway."

Surprised, he asked, "Where about?"

"A few floors up from you actually."

Nowaki appeared even more taken aback, "You live _here?_"

He hadn't wanted to reveal it, but there was no point in hiding where he lived. They would have crossed paths eventually unless, of course, someone didn't want them to meet. Hiroki didn't believe something as superficial as destiny or fate… but he wanted to believe all the times he'd encountered him were something special. Before they'd broken apart, seeing Nowaki everyday had been something amazing. Talking to him, seeing him, lying with him, eating with him, laughing with him, crying with him… all of it had never been pointless. He'd loved every moment. The old habit of sharing everything with Nowaki was beginning to come back and Hiroki silently cursed himself.

Just spending one day with the younger, it made him think of the past times with him. All the days and nights together, bringing good and bad memories flooding in.

"_Hey…" Nowaki rested his head on Hiroki's bare shoulder, "What do you think will happen to us… in the future?" he snuggled as close as humanly possible to the man lying next to him._

"_Dunno." Answered Hiroki with a yawn, "We'll be here."_

"_Here?"_

"_Well... yeah. Unless you want to leave."_

"_No!" Nowaki whispered loudly, "I'd never want to leave here without you."_

_The elder moved his head to look into the blue eyes of the younger. They were wide and worried. Hiroki laughed, "I wasn't implying something like that."_

"_Oh."_

"_Go to bed idiot. We can only make assumptions or dream about the future. Let's start with now."_

They made their way to the entrance of the building, stopping in the lobby.

"I'm not stalking you, if that's what you're worried about." Hiroki mumbled.

Nowaki laughed, "Not at all."

"Nowaki?" a voice inquired, making both turn in the direction from where it came. Tsumori stood with a bag of groceries in the building doorway. He carefully looked from Nowaki to Hiroki, "Why are _you _here?"

"I…" Hiroki stared down, "I live here."

"Well you better get out."

Nowaki opened his mouth to say something but was stopped by Hiroki's answer of, "Why the hell should I? Do I somehow bother you with my presence?"

"You're such a shit disturber. Purposely coming back here to cause Nowaki pain." Tsumori moved forward, grabbing the other by the collar, "Just when he was getting used to not seeing you, he finally started opening up to people around. Now you come back in all your fucking glory."

"No one said I couldn't live here." Snorted Hiroki angrily; "There's no sign or book forbidding me, to my knowledge."

Just when things had been going well, Nowaki thought, they'd been interrupted. And he found himself staring at the scene before him, unable to say a word. For some reason, words weren't being formed in his mouth. Invisible threads sewed his mouth shut. He watched silently, as the two other men bickered before him.

"You better stay away from him." Tsumori warned.

"Why?"

"He belongs to me."

* * *

**_Oooooooooh. Comments are welcomed. I know it isn't written amazingly, I may delete and change it completely... we'll see. _**


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